I am not enough because I need you to notice me

As soon as I do something to gain an audience or recognition from someone outside of myself I am failing myself because what that really says is: “I am not enough”.

I wrote this this morning and it stopped me in my tracks to say the least. While posting and sharing my work to the outside world is one thing and it’s taken me a long time to even do that. I was scared to share it because of being judged.

A lot of it I actually believe to be pretty good stuff but still hadn’t really wanted to share it. Even though I have been told I should but even that wasn’t enough. I am not after money for it although being paid for it is not a bad thing. I do it because it’s what I do. Everyday I wake up grab my coffee and sit and allow the words to whisper through my fingers and onto the page. Some days there’s nothing and other days time doesn’t exist.

I would also have to say that if you’re always wanting to do things for other people, would you consider yourself a people pleaser? Do you only do things when someone else will notice you doing it? This too is saying “I’m not enough”.

Now don’t get me wrong here, there’s nothing wrong with doing things for other people but what we usually forget about is that giving to others should only be done in the overflow section of your life.

Consider yourself to be the cup and under the cup is a saucer, it’s what’s in the saucer that you should be giving away. Anything that is in your cup is needed for you. All too often we give away what’s in our cup and then wonder why we feel terrible, unfulfilled. We usually then feel like we need someone else to give to us and we set out to get something. This may come in the form of a relationship, a game or any addiction, including food and sex.

Perhaps when you give to yourself there shouldn’t be a thought about it.  What I mean is it just comes naturally. Like me with my writing.

Imagine a child playing alone with other children and without any adults intervening. It is effortless, there is no plan, there’s no end result etc. They can change what they are doing without any reasons, it’s just about having fun.

Filling your cup may come in the shape of taking care of yourself. This could be getting enough sleep for you. Eating what nourishes you.  Moving your body and keeping it limber. Laughing and quiet time alone. Being among nature. These are the things that really fill us up. They’re not superficial but it does come with possible side effects.  You will feel better. You will smile more. Which will cause other to question what you are doing. Better sex. Making more money or prioritizing what’s really important and make those changes. Why isn’t that enough of a reason to do it then?

Even our jobs and careers.  Are you working in a job because you went to school because you thought you would make your parents proud? And are you living in a home because it’s close to your work? Is it your dream home? Is it really your dream work? Do you feel stuck now that you need the work just to pay for the house?  This is the trap so many of us have been stuck in. You’re not alone.

Understanding that you are enough doesn’t seem very easy. Why is that? It’s something I am working on. You could say it’s still in progress

But I gotta say that letting go of what others think or even the need for them to see me isn’t necessary anymore.

Do we exist if no one sees us? The world wants us to believe that the answer is no but what if the answer was yes simply because we’re full ourselves and we are constantly giving away what’s in our overflow. Can you imagine a world like that?
What a shift that would be.

 

photo cred jeannelking.com  thank you.