Pondering the question why our children and some adults cannot accept how things really are. I now things needs to change and through that is not accepting how things are however I’m referring to the defiant child and the upset adult that cannot seem to be happy.
I believe it has a lot to do with acceptance. When are we taught this? Or are we ever?
Go into a grocery store or super store and you are likely to see a child or two that wants something that mom or dad is trying to say no to. It turns into a battle of wills. The child knows your weakness and doing it in a public place only heightens the demand. We deal more with our children than we do when shopping for new car.
How can we expect them to accept what is when they are only ever given choices?
Could this be the reason why so many more children are committing suicide? They simply cannot handle the truth of what is.
Picture this a child who is only given choices (and I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have choices either) and they’re interaction to the world is through a game. What happens whey they don’t win or cannot make it to the next level? Bring on the cheats and the fits, being angry and upset over what, really? This child continues this behavior and you keep giving them choices because by this time you just might be a little afraid of your child and you want help because you cannot keep your child happy. You so desperately want them to be your friend and for them to like you but that is not your job. I’m sorry to say that.
You are to keep them alive, healthy and safe and love them unconditionally. Period. What choice does this child have to accept the reality of life? We put them into a school system that shares information about anti bullying but cannot put it into practice. The system stops after you tell. You tell someone like you’re told to do and nothing else happens. You’re told that you can do anything and be whatever you want and that you’re special. However once inside the school system they strip you of that and grade you telling you it’s not good enough. To me schools are dream crushers.
How do you think this child will be as a teenager? Their body and mind goes through a change that they do not fully understand therefore they go deeper into withdrawal. You want to help them and keep asking what’s wrong because you know there is something going on. As parents you suspect the worst half the time. They are trying to test out their own personality on their own by this time. For more than half their life they have been told to ignore bully’s and to do better in school. Slowly stripping away that dream of being perfect just as you are. No one is giving you choices anymore, and no matter how hard you search you cannot find another life to play instead of this one as if it’s a game. That would surely make things easier if you could only start over.
What can we do. Being a parent is difficult to say the least however it’s also the most rewarding job I’ll ever have. I must also say that I am a parent and mine is older now hence why I was able to think of it now and not then. Ultimately our children really want to know that you have their best interest at heart and that may include saying no from time to time. The thing they want the most from you is your presence. It’s not about how much time you have it’s what you do with the time you do have. Are you fully present? When anyone acts out all they really want is to be noticed. Your child is no different. Does your face light up when they walk in the room, does your face even look up when they walk in? You need to recognize this miracle that calls you mom or dad. You can still give choices but trust your heart, your gut are you giving to just keep them quiet? Think about this for a second, would you want to hang out with someone who always gave up and gave into everything you asked for? You wouldn’t really want to hang out with them for too long. Your child is testing you to see how much you care, not when you’ll give in. They never want you to give in. That means you have given up on them.
It’s the parent who “needs” the attention.