I wrote the following in another post from Here’s to Fuck Up Fridays!
But then school happened…I believe that is where it all goes wrong for us. At home you have a support system and there are different ways of doing things. There can be conversations about things and it can be explained to us. But in schools there’s only one way and that’s the right way or the wrong way. The support system disappears, if it ever existed in the first place. It’s a miracle if you have just one good teacher throughout your schooling which is around thirteen years. Why isn’t it the other way around, one bad teacher in all your years.? It’s either right or wrong.
What are we learning for these days? The outdated method of creating these follows has long been gone. We all know that the system is failing us, we’ve heard it our whole lives but yet here we are still waiting for someone to fix it.
I believe we can’t fix a system when we are the ones who are broken.
I’ll get into a few of my ideas on how to repair and replace the current system in another post but for this one here I want to share that making mistakes is perfectly OK and welcomed if you really want to learn. Now there’s a mouth full and the biggest contradiction in our school.. we go there to learn but not to make any mistakes. ??? No wonder I didn’t enjoy school.
This is not about how to bash the current school system, we already know it’s not working. Let’s face it, we all just secretly pray that our children make it out OK. We literately hold our breath until they are no longer in school and say. “Wow, that was close, but now it’s over.” And we tend to forget about it and do nothing to try to fix it.
But as I said above “I believe we can’t fix a system when we are the ones who are broken.” I truely believe this. We are the ones who are broken.
Where do you begin, it seems like such a massive problem.
So let’s start at the beginning, we are born. We are born into this world, perfect in every way imaginable and we learn by making mistakes, we fall down, we spit up and do all kind of things that the world doesn’t want to see. We begin to fit in, we want to be just like our families who are around us all the time, they care for us and help us, we know we can trust them and we continue to make mistakes.
But somewhere along the line, we begin to believe something different, we begin to no longer trust our families to love us unconditionally when we make a mistake. We begin our search outside of our home for the answers. This starts to happen in around our second or third year of schooling..they had worn us down enough where we don’t believe we are worthy enough anymore. We have made more mistakes and we feel less than because of it.
Now before you throw me under the bus, hear me out. I know we need to learn somethings but can’t we do it in a different way. The fear based learning isn’t work, our fear tolerence is higher than it ever has been. Children see more fear than any of us ever had at that age, they are growing up super fast. Because the grown ups who are the parents don’t know what they’re doing and are terrified of making a mistake.
We are now several generations of not having our parents at home. We use to have that safe place to come home to and have the attention and nurturing of one of our parents, usually our mothers at home. But now when does that happen? Who is really caring for our children?
I really think that is where it all begins.. we lost that connection of family because of the demands of society. They made us feel less than if we did not participate in the consumption of things. We forced both parents out into the workforce to help pay for a house they believed they needed to pay off for the next twenty years or so. Who really benefits from this again? We left the house empty with small children in it. (no wonder we see families out eating at restaurants that use to be only for date nights- they are full of guilt of not spending time with their kids and in order to try to make it feel special, they’ll eat at a restaurant.) But we’ve even pushed that back with everyone is now on their devices and no one is noticing the real person who is sitting in front of them. There is a time and a place to develop on a device but when is it time to validate the human in person? We all want it but have completely forgot how to give it. And in particularly to our children. Their only solace from the world and where it’s OK to make a mistake in on their devices, the game will just start over when they make a mistake. In school, they can’t make any, at home they can’t because they are the ones in charge.
By the way I write this for my own knowledge and learn along the way. I know there are mistakes but hey I am still learning.
Seeking perfection is what most of us do and within that perfection is never any mistakes therefore no one does anything but points out the mistakes of others.
Which is a false belief that is highlighted through the magical lights that the movies, the air ways of noise and the hype of preforming for an audience. However behind the scenes, behind the locker room doors and when all the light are off and no one is putting out their attention, they are all just like you and me.
(I have been trying to convince myself to go out and pick up breakfast Mc Donalds and another coffee I believe to help fill some secret need inside of or to hide from what’s about to come out.)
This seeking perfection and pointing out the mistakes of others is a home hitter for me. I am guilty, like so guilty… I have been doing this for a very long time. Terrified to make a mistake but could point one out a mile away.. For me making mistakes and not preventing them was a huge no no in my household growing up. Like many others I’m sure. It’s a terrible place to live from.