How are you?

How are you?

This question comes a lot throughout the day and how many of us actually answer it honestly?

Also we are told all the time to love yourself, live your best life and so on. (yes I have been guilty of sharing this one for a very long time)

Both are my point I want to make today.

As I’ve said before I believe we are all just searching for a safe place where we can open our wounds and share our feelings…all of them. We have suppressed them for way too long. They are coming out no matter what we do to try and hide them.

Loving yourself is all about making yourself feel better but how do we really do that?

There are classes, courses, people who will sell you just about anything to help you get out of your funk but what if you never needed any of that and that all of that stuff is really a distraction. Something else to focus on and avoid what’s really going on.

What if we are to honour and love all aspects of ourselves…

Today I am choosing to believe that there is more here.

What if loving yourself was really about allowing all the feelings to be exposed..? Could that really be what loving yourself is all about?

They all need to come out but in a place where we feel safe. This is why when we go home for the holidays, it feels like hell and that no one has grown up or changed. We feel safe enough to actually show other emotions besides the “I’m OK”.

Where else in your life can you really show all of your emotions?

In a romantic relationship, we slowly begin the process to see what the other person can handle but even there it can be a slow process and the other person is still doing the same thing too, so it can get messy. Too often we just give up and move onto another person to see if that feels safe enough.

Imagine a box of crayons and you only use the same two or three and never use the rest. We need to colour with the whole box.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling bad, sad or mad. It’s only society that makes us feel like there’s something wrong, then we believe we need to be fixed. But suppressing it and ignoring it isn’t fixing it. Can you imagine ignoring your car that has a flat tire and you keep driving on it, eventually you will stop.

Here’s a thought, could depression be avoided it we were to honour the feelings instead of ignoring them? Because what happens to someone who really wants to be heard, who has something to say but is being ignored? It gets real loud and crazy. (even if the noise is in your head)

Now I have been depressed and suicidal more than once and in this space now I am believing that the pain came from me resisting what was. I did not think I should be depressed. Why? Because people told me I shouldn’t be. I never had that safe space to feel those feelings and others around me couldn’t handle my truth so they never believed how I was really feeling. However the pain stayed (being ignored didn’t help)

Looking back I’d say it would’ve been validated. I was nineteen years old, married and my husband was cheating on me after one of our babies had died, while I was pregnant with the second one. I was isolated and was told that I was crazy for being scared and for accusations that were denied. I shut out my family and friends and felt completely alone.

Yeah, I’d say that those feelings were validated but this began the journey. Where I was not suppose to be feeling sad, where I wasn’t allowed to show my emotions so…take a pill and calm down.

The addictions are in place because we feel bad for not being as happy as they tell you…..

you should be..

Loving all of yourself can be a beautiful thing.. flaws and all. You are OK, even if you’re not smiling. Keep looking for that safe place to expose your wounds and begin to heal or better yet, if you can be that safe space for someone else. You are not alone.

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